ADHD and All or Nothing Patterns
Understanding ADHD, Energy Crashes, and the Myth of “Balance”
If you have ADHD you probably know the feeling of being all in… until suddenly, you’re completely out.
One week you’re cleaning the entire house, replying to emails, meal-prepping, starting three projects: and then the next, the idea of doing anything feels impossible. Usually… this is followed by guilt, shame, and that lovely “what’s wrong with me?” loop. Eventually… this guilt swings into overexertion and we do it all over again.But what if we didn’t fall into the guilt and the unhealthy overexertion pattern? What if we viewed this all-or-nothing experience through the lens of how ADHD brains actually work…. and responded to it properly? Here’s the thing: this all-or-nothing pattern is one of the most common experiences we see with our clients in clinic… and it makes a lot of sense once we understand what’s going on in ADHD brains.
ADHD Isn’t Only About Attention: It’s About Regulation
(and I don’t just mean emotional regulation)….
We often hear about ADHD in the context of difficulty focusing or sitting still. And yes, those can definitely be part of the picture… but when we look at why these things happen (and all the other experiences that come with ADHD) it really comes back to differences in the brain and body’s regulatory systems.
When I say “regulation,” I mean the processes in our brain and body that kick in when things get too high or too low. For example, our sensory system is designed to regulate how much sensory stimuli we notice, tolerate, or seek. When regulation is harder (which can occur for a variety of reasons), we may become more sensory-avoidant or sensory-seeking because our body isn’t able to bring us back to that “just right” state on its own. The body and brain also have systems that help regulate things like attention, impulses, emotions, and energy. For ADHDers, these regulatory systems typically work differently…. they don’t easily or automatically return us to “just right” the way they might for neurotypical peers. So instead of moving through life at a steady “medium speed,” ADHD energy often swings between hyperfocus and crash. Which is why “balance,” at least in the neurotypical sense, ends up feeling kind of like a myth.
The Burnout Loop
Here’s what usually happens:
You get a burst of motivation and energy (finally!).
You ride that wave, working late, saying yes to everything, starting projects, enjoying hobbies (it all feels great…), you are taking on A LOT.
Until you cannot…. You need rest, but guilt keeps you from actually resting. Your body crashes.
You shut down (scrolling, napping, zoning out). Often this leads to more guilt, shame, and often mood challenges.
Eventually, panic hits again… and the cycle restarts.
Maybe this sounds familiar….
So What Do You Do With That?
You can’t change your wiring, but you can work with it. Here are a few strategies we often explore with clients in OT:
1. Plan for rest before you absolutely need it and crash.
Don’t wait for the crash to schedule downtime. Build short “nothing moments” into your day: quiet time, sensory breaks, or even lying on the floor staring at the ceiling (like literally doing nothing not scrolling or even listening to music… sometimes our brains need a FULL rest).
2. Use “activation buddies” or Body Doubling
If you struggle to start things alone, try body doubling (working quietly alongside someone else) or co-working virtually. It taps into social accountability without pressure. When I body double, I like to share the exact tasks I am going to do at the beginning, ask my friend to do the same, and then check back in after an agreed upon amount of time (user a timer!).
3. Break things into micro-goals.
ADHD brains love novelty and reward. Turning big tasks into smaller, achievable chunks gives you more dopamine hits along the way. But make sure the chunks are ACTUALLY achievable… read my tips on this here.
4. Notice patterns, not failures.
When you notice what triggers your “all in” phases or your crashes, you can start adjusting. Compassionately. Without judgment. Start to record any barriers to supportive factors you have noticed. Once we identify these components, it makes figuring out the strategy much easier.
Working With Your Brain
At our clinic, we often remind our clients, it’s not more effort or discipline that’s needed: its strategies that are actually designed for you and your unique symptoms.
Occupational therapy for ADHD is about helping you design your days, spaces, and systems in a way that supports your actual energy… not the version you wish you had. It’s less about “fixing” and more about experimenting, unlearning, and building a life that fits you.
If you’re curious what that could look like, we have a few blog posts that go deeper:
And if you’re ready to explore personalized support, our team offers neurodiversity-affirming occupational therapy for adults in Canada: focused on ADHD, autism, anxiety, and burnout.
One small step at a time. :)
